Thoughts Are Like Cosmic Glue

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Eternal Energy



There are around 6 billion people on this planet and every one of those people has thoughts. Scientists believe that the average person has up to 50,000 thoughts per day so when you multiply how many thoughts each individual has each day by the population of the planet, that is a lot of thoughts. It is all those trillions and trillions of thoughts that produce a kind of energy which shapes the world we see and live in. All these thoughts are like cosmic glue holding our reality in place.

Over the course of time the world changes. You will notice over the course of a decade that the world is slightly different in it’s appearance and the attitude of the people inhabiting the world in each new decade is also different. After a hundred years you will notice a much greater change in the world’s appearance and the attitude of its people. The reason the world changes is because our collective thinking changes.

What I am referring to is how we each affect each other whether we are aware of it or not. One of the most destructive devices in the modern world that causes so much death, destruction, fear and chaos is the TV. Yes the television is perhaps the most dangerous piece of equipment ever built. Many or should I say most people in the developed world watch TV everyday and give very little thought to what it is they are doing to themselves. They turn on the box and watch the news programs and listen to all the statistics on how many women die of breast cancer and how many men will develop heart disease and how terrorism is becoming a huge problem throughout many countries in the world and they believe what they hear. That is where the problem lies, they believe what they hear.

The moment you believe something your subconscious mind begins to make it happen. This is the nature of thought, thinking is this kind of cosmic glue that gets stuck all through your thoughts and begins to manifest in your life. If you don’t believe something is true or possible than it isn’t. It is only belief that turns a thought into reality. So if you and everyone else never heard about or thought about breast cancer it would never become a problem for you. What has happened is, someone has been thinking about a problem arising in their body like cancer, than that thought manifests as a disease within the body and then other people hear about it and then the media broadcasts it and then the entire world knows about it and then it becomes a statistic we believe we may succumb to.

This worldwide growing terrorism threat seems to have gotten out of hand and we the people of this planet are responsible for this through our collective thinking. No, nobody wants there to be any terrorism but we thought about the possibility of global terrorism for so long that through our thinking and our worry, we made it happen and now it’s happening so much more because we keep thinking about it, the media pushes it, the media is actually invoking it. While we keep terrorism, cancer and all those other horrible demons in our minds we will only serve to nourish them and give them life with our daily thoughts.

The moment we can clear our minds and focus only on what we want, the things that bring joy and happiness is when the world will make another change in a new positive direction and away from the fearful world we continue to build from our thoughts of today. Your thoughts, my thoughts, everyone’s collective thoughts literally create everything in the universe.

To your Bliss,
Eternal Energy





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Long Distance Relationships - How to Make it Work

Long Distance Relationships - How to Make it Work
by: Rachelle Arlin Credo

Long distance relationships are dreadful. I know this because I'm currently living one. You watch other couples walk down the street hand-in-hand, kissing, etc., everyday and you can't do anything but envy them. So how can a long distance relationship work? How can you keep on loving someone if you can't even see them?

The answer is...it depends on how much you want it to work. True love can overcome any odds thrown in its path if you want it bad enough. So the question is, how do you do it? Well, I do not think that anyone knows exactly how to make it work, but I can certainly provide some points on making it work.

1. COMMUNICATION is the key.

In every relationship, whether near or far, if communication is taken for granted, it can cause the relationship to quiver until it eventually dies a natural death. That's why in any given circumstance, communication has to be given utmost importance. There are so many available media to ensure that the communication stays open. From snail mails and phone calls to chat systems and e-mails or e-cards. These media can be effective means to convey your hearts desires to your loved ones. Let them know about what you've been doing and thinking because in that way they will feel like they are there with you. This will also help you feel close even though you are miles apart.

2. Send off CARE PACKAGES.

It can be anything -- a little gift of flowers; a collection of the letters he has sent you designed artistically into a scrapbook; or your sweetheart's favorite jewelry -- it's really only limited to your imagination. Engaging yourself in this way is beneficial for both of you. You get to concentrate on gathering these items and putting them together, thus keeping your mind off not being together to a certain extent. Your loved one will see how much effort you put into it and how much you care. Even if it is nothing more than a card,it shows they mean enough to you that you can take the time to let them know. It never takes much money to show a little love with a small gift. Trust me, it can melt a heart!

3. Keep yourself BUSY.

You couldn't just sit there and wait 'til he comes back to you. What if he doesn't come back at all and all you did was sit and get your tummy flabby, won't that make you just miserable? You won't just be stunting your growth as an individual in the process but you'd also be developing emotional insecurities. In order to avoid that, you have to focus yourself on other things while waiting. Try to identify your passions. Get in touch with your creative nature. If you are a homebody, you can read tons of books which can help you grow intellectually and emotionally or you can choose to lounge before your computer and surf for hours to learn invaluable things over the internet. It's an endless "ways-to-make-yourself-busy" list and it is up to you to decide whichever you're interested to get involved in. But remember, being "busy" is not an excuse to forget your "special days" and worse yet, your loved one. You're doing it not just to occupy yourself but also to allow yourself to grow even with your lover's absence.

4. HONESTY is the best policy.

The path to true intimacy and connection especially in a long distance relationship is through "total honesty" to each other in the fullest sense of the words. By being authentic and telling your full truth to your loved one about your thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, issues, boundaries, etc., you are gradually building up a zone of confidence and comfort for both of you. This is very essential if you want your relationship to really last. Seeking to avoid conflict and maintain harmony by censoring yourself can work for a while but it won't take much time until your suppressed truth comes out in other ways, such as withdrawal, resentment, "acting out," etc. I know, sometimes, telling your whole truth can be difficult and even scary, but it will result in the kind of relationship that you really want-- a relationship where all the cards are laid in the table.

5. The value of TRUST

Trust is a very fundamental aspect in any relationship. That is because having trust in a relationship takes away doubt. When you trust someone you never have to question their motivation about anything and with mutual trust that relationship is solid. You must learn to be true to the relationship and must never give way to insecurities, strange feelings, suspicions and quick impulses because these will only bring your relationship down. Don't push away negative comments, or advice. Just trust in yourself and your partner. If you two are true to each other and have no hidden motives then you'll be alright. Remember "Love never fails."

6. COMMITMENT is a habit not an achievement

In every relationship, it is a must to be able to learn how to commit and be committed. For most long distance relationships, the very reason why they fail is because both parties couldn't go on with the commitment and they feel too weak to withstand the tribulations of time.If you have committed yourselves to each other without shilly-shallying, then you have a good promise ahead of you.Your comitment to each other will keep the passion alive and the fires burning thus sustaining the growth of the relationship.

7. PATIENCE is a virtue.

Being in a long distance relationship requires being steadfast and persevering. If you aren't this kind of person and you're involved in a long distance relationship, then as much as now, you better try to learn to be patient. Focus your attention on all the positive aspects of the relationship and never give your hopes up. Showing that you value your partner and the relationship and that you are willing to work patiently through it will let them know you truly love them.

8. WEBCAM

This is applicable only for those who have the comfort of having their own personal computers at home.But for those who don't, there are computers-for-rent in cafe's with webcams already attached to the computer system. Having a webcam is actually very fun and exciting. Even if you aren't together but looking at each other's face in the broad screen makes you feel like you're just so close, so near to your loved one. My boyfriend and I use Yahoo messenger to express our emotions with smileys and it's melting my heart to see him smile in the cam when he gets my messages.

9. Make special occasions SPECIAL.

It is not everyday that a special day comes so when it does, it must be celebrated no matter how far apart you are. When I speak of special occasions, I mean birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, New Year and Valentine's Day. During these occasions, you can plan out some heavy-duty phone call or an extended online time for the evening. Regardless of whether you talk every night or a couple times a week, be sure you both carve out some time for that particular night. If you're too stingy to settle on a lengthy phone call, but have cheap and unlimited online access, plan to send instant messages to each other or meet in a private chatroom somewhere. If you can't be together, at least you can be "talking" and "spending some private moments together".

10. ENJOY LIFE!

Not because your loved one is away, it doesn't mean that your "life" is taken away with him as he sets on for greener pastures. You have your own life to live and you must live it up to the purpose you were created for, with or without your loved one.Anyway, we have our family and friends. What are these social beings surrounding us created for anyway?


Remember,there are definite hardships associated with this relationship style but it is important that those who thrive in a long distance relationship see the suffering, difficulties, distance and time as tools in cultivating their love and rearing up the maturity in their relationship. The best you can do is to strive to be the best of who you are as a person while your partner is away so that when he comes back to you, you are already a full-grown individual whom he will love even more and be more proud of more than ever! For now, just be happy in knowing that across the miles there is someone who thinks you are so special, they are willing to engage in a terrible thing such as a long distance relationship. Keep in mind that your suffering is not forever since your loved one will be back soon and when that time comes, everything will be much sweeter than it was back then.



Rachelle Arlin Credo is an entrepreneur and relationship coach. She also works as an image consultant and part-time writer. Her stories, articles, essays and poetry have been published in various magazines and online publications.


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Listening To Your Partner

Listening To Your Partner
by: Callie Johnson

Do You Really Hear What Your Partner is Saying?



Listening to your partner can make or break a marriage, partnership or friendship. When I say listen I mean it in the sense of, ladies put your Women’s Day magazine down when your partner is trying to talk to you and Men turn of the ball game when your partner is trying to speak to you. Now you don’t have to go overboard with this quote such as ladies purposely trying to speak to your partner when you know his favorite team is playing or Men trying to speak to your partner when you know she is soaking up the bubbles in the tub with a good book.



Listening and Sensitivity go hand in hand and comes from the heart, when you really love your partner it should just come naturally. When one partner is speaking the other should be a good listener and pay attention to what is being said. Make eye contact with your partner when they are speaking to you as this lets them know that you are hearing what they are saying and that you do really care.



Being sensitive and listening to your partners needs is essential in any relationship in order for it to be a wonderful and happy partnership. Have you really listened to what your partner is saying today? If not try it and this will make your journey in life with your partner so much better and strengthen it to greater heights that you didn’t even know existed!



This article may be reprinted in your website, ezine, or off-line print as long as the authors byline stay intact. Please send us an email to let us know you will be reprinting this article to: questions@heart-on-fire.com



© Author CJ – Relationship coach and business owner of Hearts on Fire “Where Love is in the Air!” AND Learn How 101 - Learn How to Do Anything (almost anything) www.Heart-On-Fire.com questions@Heart-On-Fire.com www.LearnHow101.com



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Keeping Love Alive

Keeping Love Alive
by: Mershon Niesner

I believe that finding, sustaining, growing, and enjoying satisfying relationships is one of greatest joys and challenges we have as human beings. We have generally been blessed with a tremendous desire to love and be loved; to listen and be listened to; to take care of and accept care from others. And yet meaningful, sustainable relationships often elude us – especially as it applies to the opposite sex.

Here are some things I’ve learned in my walk through life - as a divorced single mom, widower, and over 50 remarried - about finding and sustaining a “soul-mate” relationship:

1. Know who you are and what you want. You’ll never get what you want if you don’t know what it is. As women look for love, we often take what comes our way rather than seeking what and who we want. Knowing the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with comes from knowing who you are – your values, interests, what you can/will tolerate, what you won’t.

2. Learn how to disagree, speak your mind, and/or confront.
Avoiding conflict is death for a marriage. It may seem like you’re on the right path by never, ever arguing or disagreeing but avoiding conflict requires repression of anger, which leads to depression of feelings. Passion is extinguished in this environment. Learn to fight fair and keep the slate clear. (see article on What Are You Afraid Of?)

3. Speaking of passion – keep the fire lit! I think women often underestimate the critical role sexuality and having a really good sex life plays in a successful marriage. Men, you know what I’m talking about! Create romantic opportunities, ask for what you want, talk, talk, talk – do what you as a couple need to do to keep this aspect of your relationship alive and well.

4. Don’t allow children and child-raising to take precedence over your marital relationship. A great marriage is the best gift you can give your children. Get away from the kids on a regular basis. Find a good sitter! Arrange for an overnight with just the two of you at least once a year. Talk about matters other than the kids, the bills, the family. Someday it will just be the two of you again. Be sure you still know each other.

5. Take responsibility for your actions and affirm each other. Say, “I’m sorry” when you make a mistake or hurt your partner. Say, “Thank you” when they do something for you. Appreciate what your husband does! Don’t take “expected” action for granted. Recognition and affirmation are two of the best gifts you can give each other. Spend them freely.

6. Don’t take on the persona of, “I shouldn’t have to ask – he should know.” This is one of the greatest mistakes women make in a relationship. I hear women say things like, “But if I have to ask for it, the real meaning/pleasure/gesture is lost.” Get over it! Men can’t read our minds. They’re not always tuned in or on the same wave length. Maybe they just don’t know. Be a big girl and ask for what you want! (I’m pretty tough on this issue)

7. Get help if you need it. Don’t put your head under a bushel. If your relationship is in trouble (no matter whose “fault” either one of you thinks it is), seek out ways to make it better. Find a relationship coach, a therapist, a marriage counselor, a book – I highly recommend John Gray’s Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus In the Bedroom (it’s on tape so you can listen to it together), Don’t give up – keep searching and talking and striving until things get better. The answer rarely lies in changing partners.

Coaching tip
Review what you have, what you want, the hidden or apparent treasure of love. If you have a soul mate, never, never take this relationship for granted. It is rare indeed!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The average man is more interested in a woman who is
interested in him than a woman with beautiful legs.
Marlene Dietrich, actress
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<



Mershon Niesner, PCC, CPCC Professional Certified Coach
Author of Ribbons of Love – Affirmations for Abundant Living. Visit www.coachmershon.com to subscribe to the Business Woman’s Advantage ezine and other FREE Resources for Success.


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Just Love Me!

Just love me!
by: Dorothy Lafrinere

Just LOVE me, like a fat kid loves cake!

Have you ever felt like that? When I first heard that, it hit me like a ton of bricks. To be in LOVE like that or to be loved like that would just rule forever. Is that not what we are all yearning for? Do we not seek out LOVE from the second we breathe as an infant? We search our parents eyes for that look of LOVE. We smile because we know it makes them smile with the LOVE that they feel for us.

To LOVE or not to LOVE? This is the question we all ponder through out life.

Why do we yearn to be someones everything? We want nothing more than to feel like the LOVE of one`s life. We spend our lives looking for that special person that will make our world seem like a dream. We want to feel safe and secure in our choice of partners. But how do we really know that this one is "the one" we will LOVE unconditionally forever? How do we know that this choice of LOVE will not break our heart? How do we know that this LOVE will LOVE us when the chips are down and we are not that perfect person that they fell in LOVE with?

Well I hate to sound like a wet blanket here on a cold night, but nothing is guaranteed. Life promises us nothing. We make our lives what they are, right at this moment. In matters of the heart we gamble, and as I have said before, to give LOVE is to risk losing LOVE. That is just another one of those bleary facts. Like rain storms and snowfalls, we have no control over anything that nature has given to us. We can only do our best with what we have. I have spoken before about gifts. Well, LOVE is a gift when it is given and when it is received. It does not happen because we say we want it to, or when we like a person and say "LOVE me". HA. I am sure that almost everyone out there will agree to that. I am also certain that the word "Stalker" comes from that notion.

LOVE can be a very scary risk. "Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it! It makes you so vulnerable. It opens you up, totally exposing your heart only to let someone get inside you and twist things up so tight, you can barely breathe. You build up defenses, you build an entire suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then that person, not seeming any different from any other person, wanders into your lonely life. You give them your heart. They didn't ask for it. They did something one day, like kiss you or smile your way, and then your life isn't your own any more. LOVE takes your heart hostage. LOVE swarms inside you. LOVE devours your entire being and leaves you crying in the darkness. With the simple phrase, "lets just be friends", it turns into a knife, cutting its way into your heart. The pain is like no other you have ever felt nor ever want to feel again. Not just in your imagination, not just in the mind. It's like losing a part of who you are, or rather who you were. That my friends is one reason we are so careful to not make the wrong LOVE choice. I know reading this totally makes one never want to do that. But we do, over and over again. Why?

Is it such a deep needed desire that we really have no control? Is cupids arrow that strong? YES on both counts.

LOVE is one of the most powerful sensations we will ever endure in our lives.

LOVE knows no limit to its power, no end to its trust, no loss of its hope.

LOVE can overpower anything.

LOVE stays up, when all else has falls down.

LOVE is felt when one grasps another's hand.

LOVE is as much of an object as an obsession. Everybody wants it and everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it. Those who do, will cherish it, get lost in it, and among all, will never, ever forget it.

LOVE does not waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead it creates a perfect love.

LOVE is somewhat like an hourglass, the heart fills up on one side as the brain empties the other.

LOVE is admiring ones heart: as admiration is the love of ones mind.

LOVE is with you when you least deserve it, because that's when you really need it.

These are a few thoughts that I have that tell me what LOVE is and why LOVE is.

When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us.We must understand that until we admit that while our partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we alone are the only ones that can bring that same fulfillment to ourselves. No one is responsible for our happiness.

Some people fall into a pattern of needing that NEWNESS LOVE in their relationships. These people will go from one relationship to another forever, never getting off that roller coaster of failure. They never understand that LOVE has stages. LOVE at first is so full of mystery and excitement. Then we move into becoming comfortable with one another and blending our ways to continue to strengthen our LOVE for one another. We continue to grow with each other, adding newness to each other by growing in one world, but as two people. Our years together build our road to our destiny of spending our lives and enduring tribulations as one. If you want life to always be a bed of roses, then you best grow a few gardens, because the roses will only get there if you grow them or bring them to your life. In other words sweet people of LOVE, your LOVE and passion is only what you make it. If you ignore it or get too busy to feed it, it will die or fade away. It's like any other living breathing thing. LOVE needs to be treated with respect and treated like the special gift that it is.

Another thing we must be careful of is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image, otherwise LOVE is only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. LOVE like you mean it, it is the only true way to let your LOVE for one another grow stronger and continue to be all powerful and wonderful.

*******************************

Relationships ask us to contemplate "forever" as a way of life.

It is a world without end of our own creation.

Toni Sciarra Poynter

*************************

The purpose of life is to discover your gift.

The work of life is to develop it.

The meaning of life is to give your gift away.

The gift, is LOVE!

Dorothy


Dorothy
Owner/Operator
Website- http://www.womensselfesteem.com
Weblog- http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy
Forum- http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com
email- dorothy@womensselfesteem.com

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Dorothy Lafrinere

Owner/Operator/writer

Website- http://www.womensselfesteem.com

Weblog- http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy

Forum- http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com

email- dorothy@womensselfesteem.com

Hello my name is Dorothy and I thought you might like to know a bit about me! I was born and raised in Canada where I raised 4 great children and ran a business for 23 years. I recently moved to Florida to continue my life and enjoy the tropics. My experiences throughout my life have built my character and made me an independent women. My issues regarding self-esteem have directed me towards creating a wonderful website for all the women in the world! www.WomensSelfesteem.com My goal is to simply put a smile on your face, add a little sunshine to your day, and help you find the strength to deal with your fears and tackle your weaknesses, but most importantly to help you find the goodness that is inside of you, so that you can live a peaceful and happy life.

I have had many questions reguarding why my website is totally free. Well, it isn't actually really free. The payment that I ask for from my members and any women that frequent my site is that they feel better about themselves, and that they use some of that gained strength to help other women who also suffer from self esteem issues that women are faced with in daily life.



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In the Cause of Love: A Romantic Drags Love

In the Cause of Love: A Romantic Drags Love
by: larry jaffe

In the cause of love, we do many foolish things. We go out on limbs not built for climbing in order to be gallant and free. We rise up to challenges and escape seemingly hum drum lives casting our hearts into the unknown. We start wars. We end wars.

This is love, we say, never knowing where we will be struck next. And some are touched for entire lifetimes. And some are struck repeatedly in an agony of relationships that start well and end, just as well. We fall in love all too readily.

We know all the clichés of soul mates, life mates, true love, perfect love, etc. etc. We find them heartwarming and grand, romantic even. But when we fall out of love, we fall hard for it is much more difficult to fall out of love than into it. There is nothing very romantic about a broken heart. We cavalierly declare that it obviously must not have been true love; otherwise, we would still be together. And we peer around corners hoping beyond hope that he or she awaits us.

And some love with their bodies and some with their minds and some find even deeper solace loving to the depths of their souls.

For some love like life is a journey. My parents have been married 58 years their offspring divorced at least once. Love is a certainty for my folks. They cannot and will not imagine one without the other. I have never thought that this was the love affair of the ages or one filled with passion and romance. There is a symbiosis between them, an odd dance non-stop for almost 6 decades. I wonder what keeps them going, that secret formula that keeps them together year after year.

I admire them and often stand in awe. I often have enough trouble living with myself let alone another lately. But their marriage is not all hugs and kisses, lovey dovey type thing. In fact, I barely remember the last time I saw them in love’s clench. Actually, I remember quite well as it was their 50th Anniversary. My family is not the huggy type. However, it has improved with living. There is a magic something that links them together from morning to night. The romance is hidden but secreted in their hearts and undying vows.

My romanticism leaps from speeding trains, screams from rooftops and dares to be overcome. I love being in love. Nevertheless, these extreme bursts of romantic fervor last years and not a lifetime as my folks have accomplished. It makes one wonder because it cuts to the core of a lifetime of passion. My parents are a miracle I think to myself. I admire their perseverance and patience.

We speak the words of love. But do we understand the intricacies of what makes love work? Do we know how to love another being let alone ourselves? And which comes first loving ourselves (that whole me thing) or loving someone else? And can you truly love another if you are rather misanthropic about yourself?

How much do you need to know about the soon to be significant other in order to fall in love? Jeez, I know many questions. Well you see I am taking this thing called love apart into all its facets so questions have to come up in order for the answers to be arrived at. I am using my parents as a model because they are still doing it after all these years and what makes them persist as they do?

Love is a Kevlar vest for my heart

I know about my loves and lacks thereof. I tend to dive right in without looking to see if there is water in the pool, without thought, fear or concern. Once in love I feel invulnerable like love is this Kevlar vest over my heart. With hindsight, I can see this is a rather one-sided view of things. A kind of ego ridden love that is so overwhelming that I would need a SuperMate not a SoulMate. Nevertheless, I love the sudden explosiveness in my universe that love brings, that impact of emotion and energy. I live for that passion. I would not wish to go through life without it! However, maybe this explosive passion flares so brightly and then seemingly burns itself out.

Then again, perhaps not, mayhap that flame would be eternal. I have learned much from each of my loves. I have learned that boredom is the fiercest of diseases and punishments.

Redefining love
And I have learned that love must be redefined to be successful. Old school concepts of one heart, one soul, and one love are out the door. The most important lesson being that true love is more the separateness of things than it is the mushing of things together (note: that is a technical definition).

Love is the willingness and the desire for each to be whole, undivided and unique. Co-creation means one creates a team of love (as corny as that sounds). It is the granting of beingness of another and not the desire to be “one” is the complete acknowledgement of your love.
Romantics will of course decry this and what I am about to say. They will feign broken heart malaise and woe is me and other assorted inanities. They will beat themselves with bungee cords or some such. But the fact is when you take into consideration the state of current romantics and climbing divorce rates, what the heck do they really know anyway?

Again, I state most emphatically, it is not the togetherness of things, of two lovers glommed together with Madison Avenue wallpaper and notions of what love should be. No, it is not the togetherness but the unique separateness that counts and if that uniqueness is admired and given life, love blossoms forth.

All too often, we hum these clichés until we run out of tune. Your LifeMate, your SoulMate, etc. is not half of you, they are entities unto themselves. We in a relationship are not halves of anything; we are whole entirely and uniquely whole.

Team Love
The ridiculousness of this popularized notion of this one beating heart concept is best illustrated when observing the rest of life; like say sports (am a guy ain’t I). Nowhere in the annals of sport does anyone say one player. Players with individual capabilities, characteristics, skills, etc all go into making a great team. The individual is not suppressed by his or her teammates; to the contrary, skills and abilities are enhanced. Some teams even take their comradery off the field and hang out together. Why should love sanely and logically be any different? How did we get the quaint notion that somehow we must divide ourselves down the middle and join the other person to make one whole person? When did we decide to be our soulmate instead of ourselves?

Strength is determined and created by two beings creating together, not whittling down to one or even two with broken hearts. It is the uniqueness of the players that make a great team, not the identicalness of them. This is after all the game of love.

There are those that may now shout that I am removing the romance from love with such analytical statements. And draining the tragedy from broken hearts is blasphemy and sacrilege. I gotta tell you, there is nothing at all romantic about abuse and divorce.

Is it not time to put love on a new level with new ways to measure its impact and affection? We live in the 21st Century now and communication capabilities have truly sped up our lives that are just full of yesterdays and some tomorrows. We live with hindsight have little foresight and I would recommend midsight, i.e. looking at now and seeing what is without hindrance of past or future.

Let us put love back on the pedestal where it belongs, something exalted and striven for not to be tossed into like a tsunami of emotion. Let us redefine love based on communication and understanding and not a dartboard.

Admiration coupled with desire and passion would indeed mean true love for it could not be anything else. And you know he or she may just be around the corner.


Larry Jaffe Bio







Jaffe is the Co-founder and International Readings Coordinator for the United Nations Dialogue among Civilizations through Poetry program and Co-Founder of Poets for Peace. Jaffe is the Editor of Poetix the poetry magazine for southern California. He has been the resident Poet/Host at the Autry Museum of Western Heritage and produced a number of successful reading series in the Los Angeles area including the popular Buddha Jam Poetry Series at the Elixir Café and Poetic License at the Moondog Café.







He has featured at numerous readings and poetry festivals throughout the United States and abroad including the Hammer Museum, Japanese American National Museum, Dylan Thomas Centre, Comedy Store, University of Texas, UCLA, UC Northridge, Los Angeles, Austin International, San Luis Obispo, London and Bristol Poetry Festivals.







Jaffe’s work can be found in numerous publications and anthologies like Short Fuse, Off the Cuff, 100 Poets Against the War, Urban Spaghetti, Saturday Afternoon Journal, Web Del Sol, PoetryMagazine.com, Will Work for Peace, The World Healing Book, The Book of Hope, etc. Jaffe’s books include Jewish Soulfood, Unprotected Poetry CD and the recently released The Anguish of the Blacksmith’s Forge. His book of poetic noir L. A. Rhapsody is getting ready for publication and Salmon Publishing in Ireland will soon be publishing his Lying Half-Naked in the Doorway.







jaffe@lgjaffe.com



www.lgjaffe.com




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Internet Dating Over 50: I Want Companionship

Internet Dating Over 50: I Want Companionship
by: Susan Dunn

“Internet Dating over 50: I Want Companionship,”
by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach

Trying to figure out what the other person is
like, how you’ll get along, what the potential is,
what the other is after, and what they mean by
what they say are just a few of the challenges in
dating at midlife. In some ways it’s easier on
the Internet, and it’s fast becoming the preferred
method of many midlifers.

One thing we certainly look for is someone who is
compatible enough. Personally, I prefer the word “complimentary,” as I relish those dynamic differences that enrich a relationship, and it gives a nod to the dictum that opposites do attract. A psychologist once told me, as we observed an unlikely pair we both knew who had decided to marry, that “men marry their conflicts.” What then is the woman doing? There’s a ying and a yang to it all, yes?

“Compatible” is used a lot, however, so let’s
consider – in what ways do you need to be
compatible? Shared values are crucial, and
certain goals, such as what sort of financial
situation you want. How into traditional roles
you are, and how family-oriented you are. For
some, sharing the same religion. Certainly a
couple should have the same general idea about
what a marriage is for, should provide, and can
accomplish. These can be conversed about, but to
assess the all-important “chemistry,” you must
meet in person. Do it as soon as you know it’s
safe, I say. You’ll save yourself a lot of time

“I was totally in love with him in writing,”
Marsha told me. “We both thought we’d met the
person we’d been waiting for for 30 years. When
we met at the airport, we both knew there was no
way. In person it was too compatible, like
brother and sister. It’s ironic. Our 3-month
online romance remains one of the highlights of my
life.”

Another thing most of us want it “companionship.”
(For complete coverage of this topic, see my
“Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women”.) I
want to caution you that it can mean just about
anything.

It can mean, when a man says he “wants
companionship,” that he’s no longer interested in,
or capable of sex.

Some people mean “recreational companionship”, and
beware. It can mean “recreational appendage.”
I’m thinking of one man I dated who was retired,
and it turned out he wanted me to play tennis with
him every morning, golf every afternoon, then take
walks or go dancing every night, and go hiking on
the weekends. A meal might be thrown in when
necessary, for fuel, and talking, too, as long as
it was factual and related to the task at hand.
Oh, and the second morning of tennis (and last),
he arrived with a bucket of balls and told me to
“stand over there”, as he was going to teach me
how to serve.

The Italians say, “The first woman a man marries
is his wife. The second is for companionship.
The third is nonsense.”

I want a full relationship, not just a sports
buddy, and whether I’m the man’s first or second
wife, I want to be the last, and a wife, not an
object. Yes, I love sports, but I love many
things, and most of all, I want to love a MAN.
That means I want emotional and intellectual
companionship, as well as recreational. If the
person’s completely polarized and just after a
warm body for one specific thing, and you want a
full relationship, better to find our sooner
rather than later. I’ve been thrilled when I’ve
found “the perfect tennis partner,” but I wouldn’t
marry for that, would you? He or she might.
Beware.

Now let’s look at what people have said in actual
online profiles. Ladies first:

I enjoy having a nice companion to share good
times with. The person I would like to be with
will have a great sense of humor and the ability
to converse on many subjects.

To be able to discuss something in a loving and
understanding manner is a cornerstone of a good
relationship!

Sharing events and activities with a special
person is very important to a happy life. I enjoy
doing a multitude of things and over the years
have been active in community events as both
organizer and volunteer.

Now from the men:

I want to enjoy life with someone special and
share things they like to do and things I like to
do.

Dancing is important to me, but it’s not that you
have to be a pro. Indeed, if you do not dance at
all that is probably best. Raw material! I also
love to read, go to films, plays, and rarely stay
home. So I suppose someone who enjoys that kind of
activity.

No couch potatoes please. Someone who likes what
I like – biking, hiking, working out, and boating.

The dance partner guy wants a dance partner, not a relationship; “raw material,” as he calls it. Reading, plays, and films aren’t shared activities. The home he rarely stays in sounds more like a base of operations. Of course I’m guessing. The thing is, read your own profile through the eyes of someone else, or work with a coach so that you say what you mean.

The woman who asks for “a nice companion to share
good times with”? Whenever I read or hear this,
or it’s cousin, “I just want to have fun,” I know
they aren’t talking about marriage. I’d love to
share fun and good times with someone, but I’d
also like them to stick around if and when it
isn’t such fun. I want someone who will walk
through the fire with me.

That doesn’t mean, as one man interpreted it, walk
through the fire FOR me. I’m not looking for
someone who will fight all my battles for me
(though some would be nice). I’m looking for a
man who doesn’t disappear when one of the
grandchildren has a stroke, or shut down after a
fight, or refuse to deal with it when one of the
kids is in rehab, or disconnect when he gets laid
off. Walking THROUGH fire means staying present –
physically, and connected – emotionally, when
things get rough. When things are going well,
it’s easy. The test of a person’s character and
commitment is what happens when it’s not fun.

The no-couch-potatoes guy? He’ll likely drag you
happily around sports courts, but if you want to
do something active that he doesn’t like, like
shopping, I bet he’ll redefine “active.” But you
know that because he ingenuously tells you he
means things HE likes to do.

The woman who wants to share activities and then
mentions her community involvement? I’ve seen
people marry because they were united around a
cause, but generally the cause dies, and there
needs to be a lot else there. Check it out.

“We hit it off because we were both animal
activists,” Cheryl said. “The problem was, I got
tired of it after a while, and it turned out it
was his entire life. If he’d treated me the way
he treated out dog, we’d still be together.”

Most people really do reveal a lot in their
profiles, if you’re willing to take off the
blinders and see it. At the same time, you need
to create your own profile in a way that doesn’t
mislead others.

Kudos to those who say, “I doubt I’ll remarry,” or
“I’m looking for someone to sail around the world
with me for 3 months,” or “I’m looking for the
last love of my life.” When you know what you
want, and speak it clearly, you’re more likely to
get it.

Keep your eyes open, love like you’ve never been
hurt, and know that if it’s possible in the
universe, it’s possible for you.

Good luck!

©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach,
http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, Internet
courses and ebooks you need, when you need it.
Coaching is convenient, affordable and it works.
Coach training and certification. Email me for
info on this fast, affordable, comprehensive,
no-residency program. Training coaches worldwide.
For FREE EQ ezine, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach,
http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, Internet
courses and ebooks you need, when you need it.
Coaching is convenient, affordable and it works.
Coach training and certification. Email me for
info on this fast, affordable, comprehensive,
no-residency program. Training coaches worldwide.
For FREE EQ ezine, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .




Contact him at http://www.susandunn.cc



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Infidelity: How “My Marriage Made Me Do It” is a Cop-out

Infidelity: How “My Marriage Made Me Do It” is a Cop-out
by: Dr. Robert Huizenga

Ask someone why they had, or are having an affair and you may hear
something like this: “I have a lousy marriage. My marriage is dead. There
is no intimacy, no sex, and no excitement. The love is gone. We’ve grown
apart. I can’t stand the marriage. There was nothing happening in the
marriage and the affair just happened.”

These statements are rationalizations and fail to “get at” the underlying issues.

Key points:

1. It’s as if a marriage is an animal gone bad. A marriage does not
have a life of it’s own. In reality, there is no such thing as a “marriage.”
One is “married” as a result of making some promises and signing a
paper at one point. After the paper is signed, two people continue
communicating and acting toward one another in particular ways that they
hope will help them get what they individually want. Just as there is no
“marriage,” there is no such thing as a “relationship.” There are, however,
ways of relating for which each person is responsible. Remember the
comedian Flip Wilson (that dates me) and his “The devil made me
do it” skit?

2. We idealize “marriage” or “romantic relationships” with the
expectation we will get what we want, without much effort to boot. The
movies, popular public press and romance novels/stories don’t help much
here. A “marriage” is behind the eight ball from the word go. “IT” can’t win.

3. From day one most of us don’t have a clue about how to get, build,
nurture and maintain healthy and intimate ways of relating. We need
‘love 101’ and it’s not there. We rely upon experimentation or bad models.

4. If the “marriage” is dead, why in the world would one choose to
have an affair? Talk about jumping from the frying pan into the fire.
It really is stupid. You add a whole layer of deceit and shame that eventually
will result in consequences more dire than approaching your spouse and
saying, “I’m really unhappy. What I’m doing with you obviously is not working.
I want out.” Oh well, maybe some people need more problems and suffering.

5. If the “marriage” is bad, obviously, I don’t have to look at me.
I can blame “it” or the other. Some of us find it difficult to look at me. Some of us don’t know how to look at me. Some of us never think of looking at me.

Tip: If your partner/spouse is having and affair and blames it on the “marriage,” don’t buy into it. The “marriage” is not the problem. You are
not the problem. Your spouse/partner chose the affair out of ignorance,
fear or inadequacy.

The “My Marriage Made Me Do It” is just one of 7 affairs outlined in my E-book, “Break Free From the Affair.” For more information on the issues behind the other kinds of affairs and tips for dealing with them, visit my site.


####################
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com



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Infidelity Excuse: I Fell Out of Love...and Just Love Being In Love

Infidelity Excuse: I Fell Out of Love...and just love being in love
by: Dr. Robert Huizenga

I find this dilemma rather common for younger couples, probably mid or late 30s and younger.

Usually one reports, “falling out of love” and is truly disturbed by this shift. He/she (and this is not merely a female problem!) wants to “recapture” those feelings.

This person has found a “significant other” who has stirred those dormant feelings and this person once again “feels in love.”

They are determined not to “settle” for a less than an ideal relationship, which means, of course, feeling the love feelings.

Here are some Key Points for this kind of affair. (The 6 others are outlined in my E-book.)

1. Unfortunately, our culture (movies, songs, romance novels, soap operas, romance comedies) teaches us that this is how it’s supposed to be. “Falling in love” is the norm – the implication being, that if it doesn’t happen, or if it goes away, something is wrong – with you, your spouse or the marriage. A good relationship must first unlearn a great deal.

2. The person who was driven to find “that loving feeling” (reminds me of a song…) usually experiences a high degree of guilt and conflict. He/she is often married to a “good” person and the desire to “find that loving feeling” seems selfish (which it is) and immature (which it is). Intuitively (and this person usually has a great deal of intuition and sensitivity) it is known at another level that he/she is not on the right path.

3. This person usually has a need for drama and excitement. Life easily becomes a soap opera. Emotional juice from the fall-out of emotionally intense relationships reigns rather than living life from the core of who one is.

4. There is little understanding, or perhaps healthy models, of the shifts needed as a relationship matures. For example, “falling out of love” usually happens when the attractors become the distracters. For example: His love for fun and spontaneity, which drew her initially to him, becomes irresponsibility. Her stability and calm, which drew him initially to her, become control.

5. The person “looking for love” is actually looking for the ideal, someone out there, who will project back to him/her that he/she is OK. No, more than OK, close to perfect.

6. This person needs to be adored, or think another adores him/her, because there is a lack of inner strength and solid identity. The other becomes my world, because I lack a world. Being “in love” is the panacea for my emptiness.

7. Sexual intercourse does not need to be a part of these relationships. Sexual activity may indeed END the relationship or at least move it to the point where the attractors become, again, the distracters. The idealized images may be held together by long phone calls, gifts, holding, love letters, e-mails, etc.

8. This type of affair often occurs when there is a “lull” in the marriage relationship. The responsibility of raising children, starting and maintaining a career, paying bills, etc. become the focal point for the couple. Romance becomes a foreign word. People are especially vulnerable for this type of affair after the children are in school and/or the oldest child reaches early adolescence. (There are good reasons for this, from a family systems perspective, but I won’t get into that here.)

Tip: If your spouse is struggling with this type of relationship, make sure you hold and care for your self. Your spouse does not have the capacity to do this for you (or anyone) at this point. Yes, you are ok. Her/his affair says less about you and much more about the emptiness within her/him. It is time for you to know you better. Model for him/her what it means to be a person with a core, with integrity, with boundaries, with values, with meaning, with purpose and actively figure out what your needs are, and get them met. Maybe she will ask questions. Maybe she will not. Maybe soon. Maybe later.

For more information on the different kinds of affairs, what causes them, the probabilities of them ending a marriage and what you can do about it, visit my site.


####################
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com



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I Love You!

I love you!

by: Joseph Ghabi
The famous three words we never hear enough of in our life. Throughout our life span we keep looking, waiting and hoping for something to take us, or lead us, to our true love. Have you ever wondered where we can find love?

What really is this word “Love” that we keep repeating to that someone special in our lives? How many times do you tell your partner “I love you”? Do you really mean it, or do you just like to hear yourself speak? Or, is it just being said because it is part of the vocabulary that your partner likes to hear, or that helps make them feel secure about themselves. So what’s love in the first place? What does love mean to you? Where can we find it?

Before looking for answers, we need to establish things ourselves and understand the meaning of the word “LOVE”.

Love, in my point of view, is a flow of energy between two people that can bring awareness of their existence on this plane together, and this helps their relationship, and the harmony between them, to grow. If love is a flow of energy, basically it is not costing you anything so why do we hold ourselves back from truly sharing that love with someone else. Vulnerability, security, or maybe fears prevent us, but how hard are we really trying to achieve “true love”?

Love is already in your own backyard and we seem to have a hard time accepting this. To be able to accept love we need to learn how to give it in the first place. Love already exists in our “being” as humans share the most precious, intimate and secret jewel that is in our soul, our growth, and our spirit.

How much do you love yourself, or accept yourself for who you are? I am not introducing this question in an egoistic or selfish way. The amount of love you attract is really a reflection of the amount you give to others. We mirror what is already in us. You cannot get love from what you don’t have in yourself in the first place. The amount of time and effort you are willing to put into accepting, or inviting, true love to yourself is the same amount you are already accepting or giving to yourself? Are you ready to be in love? Ask yourself this question. Let go of your pride and fears, and invest in yourself. Think about it!

Do not allow one bad relationship to hold you back or stop you from investing in love again. Holding yourself back from loving someone is as equal to, or as important as, attracting love to your own life. We always look to receive love from another person but it is the contrary, you hold your happiness in your own hands. So open your heart and a new love will come and approach you. Don’t go too far to look for that true love. Just start searching for it within yourself!!! Sometimes it is hard to love ourselves because of different occurrences that have happened to us. We lose our own self-confidence and self-esteem. What I suggest, to renew your confidence in yourself, is a change of attitude. Appreciate yourself first, for who you are. Love yourself for who you are, and NOT for the way people want you to be, in their image. You are who you are, and if someone does not like you for what you are, then they are not the right one for you.

Now again comes the question - do you really mean it when you say to someone that you love him or her? Of course in my opinion, you need to distinguish between real love and infatuation. A person that showers his or her partner with material things or gifts usually has two motives. First, he or she is substituting one thing they can’t offer to their partner (love) and second he or she is hiding something from their partner (finding love somewhere else). Where am I going with this, just to say that love has no value attached to it? Either you give love from your soul or you don’t. Let’s just stop kidding ourselves by living a fancy unreal life. Love has no monetary value attached to it otherwise it would not be love. Love is a flow of energy so how can we place a price on it.

Until you find true love in your own heart, embrace every moment and enjoy your exploration of life and what it can bring to you.

Remember, love someone for who they are and not for the way you want them to be. Appreciate them as human souls. Happy discovery!!


Copyright © Joseph Ghabi
http://www.freespiritcentre.info


About the Author:

Joseph Ghabi is an author, lecturer, and healer. Joseph provides Intuitive Numerology Consultation, Healing Childhood Experiences Consultation and PhD Candidate living in Montreal Canada.
At the age of eight Joseph discovered his clairvoyance. Joseph is natural medium. Joseph started the ‘Free Spirit Centre’ website at http://www.freespiritcentre.info. A community centre devoted to personal growth, self help, soul growth, eating disorders, relationships, healing and human issues. You can find over 800 articles on the site.
Joseph task is in bringing Souls back to realization of their own personal power and into alignment with their own soul purpose and path of evolution.





About the Author:



Joseph Ghabi is an author, lecturer, and healer. Joseph provides Intuitive Numerology Consultation, Healing Childhood Experiences Consultation and PhD Candidate living in Montreal Canada.

At the age of eight Joseph discovered his clairvoyance. Joseph is natural medium. Joseph started the ‘Free Spirit Centre’ website at http://www.freespiritcentre.info . A community centre devoted to personal growth, self help, soul growth, eating disorders, relationships, healing and human issues. You can find over 800 articles on the site.

Joseph task is in bringing Souls back to realization of their own personal power and into alignment with their own soul purpose and path of evolution.


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How to Tell Your Partner You Love Them

How to Tell Your Partner You Love Them
by: Trent Brownrigg

Remember the words from an old song...

"Be sure it's true when you say I love you, it's a sin to tell a lie".

The concept of "sin" has lost its meaning for many in our modern era, and even "love" has lost a significant portion of its importance.

If you still believe in "falling in love" then you will realize how difficult it is to say, "I love you" in a meaningful way. Three little words that can change your life forever. The words, themselves, have lost their meaning because of overuse, especially when it's not really true. Everybody says them, for many different reasons, even if they don't mean them.

However, when you really want tell your partner of your love it's such a hard decision to make for many reasons. Will your partner return your love? Will your partner simply accept your declaration with indifference? Will he or she feel threatened? It is such a common problem that even "The Seinfeld Show" had an episode on it.

So make it easy on yourself and plan the declaration so that as much as possible you eliminate the problems. The first step, of course, is to be certain you really are in love. If you so enjoy being with your partner that you want to be with him or her to the exclusion of all others, if you think of him or her every day when you are apart, you are probably in love. If you have even a small doubt you should wait a little longer.

If you are certain then plan a special occasion for it. Make it a significant moment in your life - one to remember with fondness for your whole life. Arrange an intimate dinner at your favorite restaurant and make it as romantic as you can. Give him or her a small gift because you love being with them, or you are so glad that you met them.

After dinner while holding your partner intimately gaze intently into their eyes and say, "I love you so much it hurts when we are apart. I hope that we can stay together forever".

Do not be disappointed if your partner does not return your declaration. They may not yet be ready and might need more time to state their feelings. Continue to share with your partner the highs and lows of your partner's life. Care for your partner's happiness and be on guard to protect his happiness.

Under no circumstances should you ever ask your partner, "Do you love me"?

About The Author:

Are you so in love you could die right now and be truly happy? Do you have a special someone you want to share you feelings with? Find a Love Poemthat expresses how you feel at http://sweet-love-poems.com

This article is free for republishing




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How To Stop The Fighting In Your Relationship

How To Stop The Fighting In Your Relationship
by: Dr Brenda Shoshanna
Copyright 2005 Brenda Shoshanna

For some couples fighting is the fire that keeps their relationships alive. It lets them know the other cares. Many are determined to win a battle that never ends. Others try to right the wrongs they have experienced in the past with someone new. Unfortunately, this kind of behavior is doomed to failure. When we bring baggage from a former relationship into the present, all new relationships simply become a continuation of the past.

What People Get Out of Fighting

It is important to understand why couples keep fighting. For some fighting is a fire that keeps their relationships alive. It lets them know the other cares, things aren’t really over, and sparks still fly between them. Fighting can keep these couples bonded, causing them to think about each other a great deal. Some love power struggles. They love winning and feeling power over the other. This makes them feel strong.

Fighting can easily become a habit, something individuals fall into automatically and instinctively. Needless to say, fighting prevents real communication. Rather than addressing issues, it causes a situation to remain stuck.

"Without a good fight, a relationship is over,” says Mary, a twenty six year old administrative assistant. “The lights have gone off between us. It’s a sign my partner no longer cares.” Mary, who was recently divorced and is now in another choppy relationship feels that eventually she’ll marry a man with whom she can fight - and survive the storms. “ I respect a guy who I can fight with, who can take me as I am.” For Mary being angry, fighting and winning has became her identity. Without it, she no longer knows who she truly is. She does not see price she is paying for this kind of relationship or what toll it takes on all concerned. Unfortunately, the anger many individuals live with on a daily basis can become crystallized into their identity. Needless to say, this blocks out much of the happiness, flexibility, communication and intimacy they desire. “I’m not letting her walk all over me,” Roger would balk whenever his ex wife expressed her needs to him now, or brought up any issue. Rather than listening to what she had to say, he immediately took it as criticism. “She’s trying to tell me I’m inadequate,” he would declare. The war was on. What started as a conversation, turned into a power struggle. From Roger’s point of view, his very manhood was at stake. However, as long as any of us hold onto our anger and continue fighting, there is no hope of working the problems through. Roger could not pause and realize that his partner’s needs and feelings had nothing to do with him. He was determined to take whatever she said or did personally and keep feeling badly about himself. However, it’s impossible not to receive the fruits of what you have put forth. “As you sow, so shall you reap,” is an immutable law of living. Although we may justify all kinds of behavior it is absolutely inevitable that we alll experience the consequences of our thoughts, actions and deeds. There are many steps involved in letting go of anger. The very first is to realize that anger is a toxin. It is not a source of strength or power, but can become an addiction, something that hinders our well being and stops our life from going forward. There are definite steps we can take to undo anger. Here are a few one can take to begin. They are taken from The Anger Diet which offers one step a day for thirty days. These following guidelines are simple, but powerful. Why not try them today and see.

Putting An End To The War

1)Stop Blaming – While we are engaged in pointing a finger, and making the other feel guilty, we cannot see what is really going on. Blame is a way to keep the fight alive. TAKE A VACATION FROM BLAME FOR ONE DAY. Instead of thinking of all the ways the person has hurt you keep your eyes open to watch how you may be stoking the fires. Focus upon what the person has done for you, instead, the ways in which they have been kind.

2)Realize The Price You Are Paying For These Fights Unless we truly realize the terribly toll fighting is taking on us, we will continue it automatically. Take note of the consequences each fight brings, what it is doing to your body, mind and spirit. Then ask, do I truly want this? Haven’t I suffered enough? Why not stop it today?

3) Choose To Be Happy Rather Than Right - This is the time to expand your view. Define success as being happy rather than being right. Learn other tools and techniques which will de-escalate anger and make a positive relationship possible..

4)Build A Strong Sense of Self-Worth The best defense against anger is feeling good about yourself. Build a sense of self worth. Treat yourself beautifully and treat your partner beautifully as well. Let go of all that opposes this.

As we have the courage to let go of anger, not only does our health improve, but soon we notice many kinds of wonderful, new people and experiences entering our lives. We attract what we focus upon. When we focus upon well-being, forgiveness and love, that is what will fill our lives.


------

Melt away toxic feelings with Dr Shoshanna’s new book, The Anger Diet, (30 Days To Stress Free Living.) Psychologist, speaker and relationship expert, Dr Shoshanna has provided the only diet you’ll need – from anger. This diet shows us how to give up one form of anger a day and replace it with a healthy, constructive antidote. Discover how anger camouflages itself, pinpoint the 24 forms of anger, learn what to do when you’re the subject of anger and much more. Dr. Shohsanna is author of many books, including Zen Miracles (Finding Peace In An Insane World), Wiley, Zen and the Art of Falling in Love (Simon and Schuster), Save Your Relationship (21 Laws of Successful Relationships), Living By Zen, (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life)
Contact Dr Shoshanna at http://www.brendashoshanna.com , or mailto:topspeaker@yahoo.com


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How To Keep The Passion A-flame

How to keep the passion aflame
by: Jake Markus

The honeymoon is over. Maybe you’ve been together a few months, a few years, or even a lot of years. At some point, though, the early flames of passion will fade and you’ll start looking for ways to reignite them.

You’re in luck, then, because that’s exactly what this article is about!

1. Have Fun Together

Remember the fun times you had when you first started dating? You laughed, you played, and you spent time enjoying each other’s company. There’s no reason for the fun to stop just because you’ve been together for a while. Think about some of these options:

- Collect cartoons or jokes that your spouse will enjoy
- Play a game together, like checkers or backgammon
- Do something unexpected to surprise your spouse
- Do a puzzle together
- Make popcorn and watch a favorite movie

2. Be Romantic

What did you used to do when the two of you were romancing each other? Jump start the romance by going back to some of those previous activities that generated warm feelings. Maybe you used to:

- Eat dinner by candlelight
- Hide a love note in your spouse’s lunch
- Build a fire and relax in front of it
- Take walk in the moonlight

3. Go Back To Dating

One way to jump start your relationship is to “date” each other again. Add to the fun by calling to ask each other out, and the one doing the asking then plans the date. To make it more challenging, set a budget limit for the date. You’d be amazed at how much fun it is to be creative and plan a date for $30 or less.

Once you’re on the date, treat each other as you did when you were first getting acquainted. Men, open the car door for your lady. Women, put on a special dress and flirt with your gentleman.

4. Do The Little Things

The day to day grind of life can really wear you down, and at those times paying attention to the little things gets harder. It’s more important then ever, though, that you make the extra effort to do the little things that your spouse will really appreciate. You could:

- Make a point to give your spouse a hug and a kiss each morning before you leave and each evening when you get home
- Remember to say please and thank you
- Pick the chore your spouse dislikes the most, and do it for him or her without being asked
- Say “I love you” often, not just when you think it’s expected

5. Be Physical

We’re not just talking about sex. Being physical means touching her arm, holding his hand, offering a gentle caress or neck rub after a tough day. And when the two of you do move towards having sex, don’t just turn out the lights and get on with it every time. Seduce each other a bit, light some candles and take a bubble bath together. As pleasurable as sex is, doing the same thing the same way every time gets boring so spice things up a bit and you’ll be amazed at what will happen.

About The Author:

Adam and Drew's Dating Tips has a large variety of free articles that have been written by consulting 'experts' in the dating, flirting and relationship fields. Find out more at http://www.adamanddrew.com




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How to Arouse Her Instantly

How to Arouse Her Instantly
by: Caterina Christakos


Smooth pick up lines may have worked in 80s movies but most women today are a bit more savvy. There are much more subtle and effective ways to turn women on.

Eye contact is one of them. Pay attention to what she is saying and keep your eyes above her bust line. Breast ogling is not a turn on, unless she has just had them done and is asking you about them.

Touching is another way to show her you are interested but it has to be the right kind of touching. Running your thumb in little circles over the top of her hand or her palm can be highly arousing. Grabbing her ass is not.

Touch her as if she is the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.

Caress her with the love that most guys give to their favorite vintage car or most dreamed of stereo component. Run your hands gently over her curves.

Put your passion into the kiss. Slow and seductive. Deep and hungry. Your kiss can be the date maker or breaker. Savor the taste of her. Drink her up without leaving her face
all wet and drippy.

Women want to be wooed then taken.

For more seduction advice go to:
http://www.powerdatingexplosion.com

About The Author:

Caterina Christakos is a published author and dating coach. For more seduction tips go to: http://www.powerdatingexplosion.com

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How Dramatic Are You?

How Dramatic Are You?
by: Kathy Thompson

Feel free to print/reprint this article in its entirety
in your ezine or website as long as you leave all the
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word count: 228
character width: 60


Title: "How Dramatic Are You?"

- by Kathy Thompson
writing4u@faceuptoit-youcan.com

(c) Kathy Thompson - All Rights Reserved
www.faceuptoit-youcan.com


“How Dramatic Are You?”

If you are dramatic you have a gift for mimicking and feel
the spirit of the situation. You love to make a grand
entrance or exit. You love the public eye and getting
attention. You feel the story line.

Check your mirror. You have high, sweeping, arched eyebrows
indicate a flare for the dramatic. It needs to be the natural
line of the brow, and not plucked.

When you use this personality trait positively, you have a
wonderful feeling for the effect of the moment. You make a
more exciting speech than most, and you enliven the situation.

When you use this personality negatively, you tend to
exaggerate, and over dramatize your feelings. Others may
think you are phony. You extend your emotions for the effect
of the "scene."

Here are some tips when you are around someone else who is
dramatic.

1. Get them to help bring your event to life.

2. Bear in mind that their dramatic behavior is not false, put
on. They really are that way and enjoy it. They are creative.

3. Take them to plays or present them with videos.


This is just one personality trait covered in "19 Tips To
Improve Your Relationships" a dynamic new course for couples.
Discover a secret way you can improve your relationships to
last a lifetime. Complete details are here:
http://www.faceuptoit-youcan.com/19tips.html





This article is free for republishing
With 8 years of teaching and 15 years in
Toastmasters, Kathy Thompson really enjoys
writing and speaking. She has a B. S. in
Business Communications and has taught her
programs around the country at various businesses
and Adult Education Centers.

She writes and speaks about Health, Personal
Communications (writing & speaking), and her
unique specialty of "Face Reading" has brought
her plenty of media attention.

Kathy's goal is to help you be all you can
be and reach your potential.




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Honesty: The Key to a Good Relationship?

"Honesty: The Key to a Good Relationship?
by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach

A coaching client recently told me, "I'm convinced if two people are totally honest, they can be married." As a dating coach for midlifers, I hear from a lot of folks who are dating. I also stay current with the dating scene on the Internet, and read the profiles people write. Men often say that "honesty" is crucial for a relationship, while women rarely do. Let's take a look at this.

First I'm going to speculate as to why men say this and
women don't, and then I want to talk about the place of
honesty in a relationship.

As we know from research, and such books as "If Men Could
Talk: Unlocking the Secret Language of Men," (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0316178683/susandunnmome-20
), by Alon Gratch, Ph.D., men, as a rule, have more trouble verbalizing emotions, something most of us would also agree is crucial to an intimate relationship. Not that we need to talk about emotions all the time, but that it's necessary to know what you feel and to be able to communicate it when necessary. It becomes particularly important when the relationship meets an impasse. You need to what the problem
really is. Are you picking on her about her outfit because
you haven't had sex in 4 days? Are you accusing him of ignoring you all the time, when really he does a fair job most of the time, but tonight you're hungry and tired?

According to Emotional Intelligence research, men and women test the same overall, but men, on average, are not as empathic as women (Reuven BarOn). Simon-Baron, Cambridge professor of psychology and psychiatry agrees. His thesis in "The Essential Difference: The Truth About the Male and Female Brain," (a http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0738208442/susandunnmome-20
) is: "The female brain is predominantly hard-wired for empathy. The male brain is predominantly hard-wired for understanding and building systems."

Of course the "average" man, statistically speaking, is not necessarily the individual sitting in front of you. But where there's smoke there's fire.

So why the male emphasis on "honesty"? And are they
referring to honesty about thoughts, feelings, facts, or
what? If what we're being honest about is "the truth," how
we feel is indisputable, and many facts are, but the truth
of any given situation is relative, most of us would agree,
or our relationships would not become the imbroglios they do

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith does a great job or portraying marriage, and beings with him saying they've been married 5 years, and her saying "6". If there's an absolute truth ("reality"), it's of little use in human relations.

Men engage more in what's called "selective remembering."
He remembers the games he won, not the games he lost. He remembers when to change the oil in the car, but not his girl-friend's birthday. Selective listening may be part of it. He hears that the prime rate has gone down, but not that you'd like more time with him. I couldn't help wonder if this client would hear "honesty" if it were given.

"Honesty", I think, is a systems-word. Women, in their profiles, are more likely to focus on behaviors. "No
philanderers," they say, and "no addicts." You see the
difference . if he's unfaithful and honest about it ,
they're still not interested. Doh.

Women use language to connect, and are more hard-wired for emotion. They enjoy experiencing it and talking about it, while men consider emotions a call to discharge by action. They are not as likely to use a verbal strategy to deal with a feeling.

Women have a larger corpus callosum, so it's easier for us
to talk about emotions. TALKING about a FEELING is multi-tasking, and one of the hardest things we ask our brains to do.

Women also say thousands more words a day than men do. Testosterone causes silence. Men talk about facts and want
clarity and brevity. Women also, according to Reuven
Bar-on, have a greater sense of social responsibility. Does this preclude honesty? When we meet for lunch, we greet each other as Nancy, and Kelly, and Meg. Men? Fatso, and Stupid and Loser. Are men being more "honest"? If so, are they being less socially responsible, i.e., not caring if they hurt the other guy's feelings? I can't imagine a man's feelings being hurt by that, yet no woman would greet another woman with Big Butt, Drama Queen, or Boobless Wonder, though they might think it.

Would being 100% honest insure the survival of a
relationship? No. The person might be "honest" about the
fact that they could not live with you any more and were
filing for divorce. Do men say this because they're
attempting to systemize, with rules? Or because they've
found women to be "dishonest"?

I've heard more than one man say, "I don't know why she left me. I thought we had a perfect marriage. (Women divorce men more often than vice versa.) Variations include, "She was deceptive. I didn't know anything was wrong," and "She told me why she was leaving, but it doesn't make any sense." A plea for "honesty" might be a plea for comprehensibility.

A female client told me she told her man, "I love but, you I don't like you right now." He said she was being dishonest, "because you can't be both at once". It didn't fit his system or either/or. Honesty, I think, or the reporting of it, requires clear, logical thinking. Who's clear and logical when fighting with a lover? Or listening to one?

If you're a man, are you listening, as in hearing? This
means hearing the feelings, not assessing the facts. If
you're a woman, are you being clear? Women tend to know
sooner when a relationship is headed for trouble and attempt
to address it. If you're a man, are you hearing this as
"being told what to do"?

I think this plea from men for honesty is a wish to be able
to understand the woman they love (and themselves in the relationship). They want facts and clarity. However, to understand others, you must first understand yourself, and this means feelings. Honesty, alas, begins at home.

As a concept that I believe is both unachievable and potentially destructive, I tend to agree with Graham Greene: "The truth has never been of any real value to any human being - it is a symbol for mathematicians and philosophers to pursue. In human relations, kindness and lies are worth a thousands truths." It is nearly impossible for me to outright lie, about either a fact or a feeling, but I will at times do what the Arabs propose: "It is good to know the truth, but it is better to speak of palm trees." Discretion is the better part of valor.

There's something else to consider about being honest:
Whether it's true or not, it's true. As John Lilly said,
"In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true."

Now, what about total honesty between two people?
Kindness may be of more value. Honesty should not be used
as the weapon it can be. One of the cruelest things we can
do is to use an intimate revelation against the person who
said it. We know how to hurt the people we love. It's part
of our obligation as a decent human beings not to do this. "Better a lie that heals than a truth that wounds," say the Czechs.

Should you be honest about your feelings? Yes . but. Let's say he wants sex and you don't. It's one thing to say, "I don't feel like it now. I had a terrible day at work," and even possible to say, "Not until you've taken a shower and put on some deodorant." But to say, "No, you're the worst lover I've ever had, and like you were saying about your ex-wife the other night ." That sort of "honesty" is inexcusable, and, if not true, soon will be.

There's no easy solution to this. I researched the world's proverbs on this subject we all struggle with. Most were in the vein of "Whoever tells the truth is chased out of nine villages." (African). The Corsicans stood out: "He who tells the truth will never be unhappy," they say. Maybe the answer lies in the Arab proverb: "When you shoot an arrow of truth, dip its point in honey."

An intimate relationship isn't a system, it's a dance, and
the music is emotions. Developing your EQ is essential, so
you can learn to know, manage and express your emotions
better, and to practice the competency of forgiveness, which will always be needed.

Sometimes the most honest thing you can say is, "I don't
know what to say now," and the most helpful thing you can
say is, "I love you." And keep in mind, to paraphrase
Thomas Leonard, we're all doing our very best, even when clearly we're not.

Not what are you going to say, honestly, to your loved
one when she says, "Does my butt look fat in these pants?"
and when he says, "Am I a good lover?" You can always
got to a feeing, and here are some:
I feel uncomfortable when you ask me that.
I'm wondering why you ask.
I love you.
Let's talk about what you're really wanting to know.

©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional success. We coach and train EQ coaches internationally. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program, arranged to fit your schedule. Coaching is the ideal profession. Email for FREE EQ ezine.

Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional success. We coach and train EQ coaches internationally. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program, arranged to fit your schedule. Coaching is the ideal profession. Email for FREE EQ ezine.



Contact him at http://www.susandunn.cc



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